


Disquietude

by Matilly



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s02e10 By the Light of Dawn, Extended Scene, Good Boyfriend Magnus Bane, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Protective Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 20:11:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10557006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matilly/pseuds/Matilly
Summary: ‘You need to go back inside. I’m safe - as you can see - and Jace needs you. He needs you more than you and I need each other right now.’Alec is about to protest, but Magnus has a point. ‘Promise me you’ll stay inside the Institute at all times. Or portal yourself to Catarina’s and stay there. Promise me, Magnus, or-’‘My dear Alexander, I’m old enough to have lived through worse, but your concern is truly endearing.’***Once he finds out Magnus is alive and well, all Alec wants to do is to never let go of him again. Magnus has different plans.





	

After searching for his boyfriend for several hours inside and outside the Institute, Magnus’ face and touch is a breath of fresh air, a sigh of relief Alec had never experienced to this day. He’s talking, and Magnus is talking, but the Shadowhunter is also checking the warlock for injuries, for a scratch, a bruise, any suffering besides the hint of pain behind the warlock’s eyes. So, he does the only thing he never did, says the words no one has ever heard coming from his mouth.

‘Magnus, I love you.’

A moment goes by, Magnus is shaking his head, but just as Alec is about to try to come up with something, be it an apology or anything else, four words leave the warlock’s lips. ‘I love you too.’

The kiss they share is desperate, afraid they would never see each other again. Alec doesn’t want to let go nor does he want to take his eyes away from Magnus ever again, or at least not until his body has fully relaxed knowing the Downworlder is safe.

‘Can we go to your place?’ He pleads, voice merely a whisper, not letting himself feel ashamed as he would have if Magnus had not turned him into a man who is not afraid to show his feelings, or at least less inclined to repress them in front of his boyfriend.

‘Alexander-’

‘Or Catarina’s, I don’t mind,’ Alec quickly emended. Not the ideal location when he wanted to be with Magnus and only him, but if that was what it took for him not to think Alec could have something more in mind then just spending time with the warlock.

‘I don’t think that’s fair. We need to- I should see what can be done for the Institute and its wards, perhaps answer to a couple of questions about Madzie. And you should be there for your siblings.’

His siblings, Alec suddenly remembers. Isabelle, whom he knows nothing about since he carefully left her in his bedroom, away from the battle and as safe as he could inside the walls of the Institute; whom he left to recover after she had saved him and Aldertree with her whip, despite almost passing out in his arms the next second. And… his parabatai, whose sorrow and anger Alec can feel deep down where his soul is connected to Jace’s and where now lies his own relief after finding Magnus is alive.

‘It was Jace. He activated the Sword,’ he hears himself say, like it is his doing to explain.

Magnus stares at him for a while, mouth opening in slow motion. He knows this only makes it even worse for the Shadowhunter, because for Alec to direct his anger and despise at Clary, despite the girl having started growing on his heart, was one thing; knowing it had been his parabatai’s doing was a blow harder than Alec was ready to receive.

‘Then you definitely need to go back inside. I’m safe - as you can see - and Jace needs you. He needs you more than you and I need each other right now.’

Alec is about to protest, but Magnus has a point. Alec can feel how miserable Jace feels, and though he knows he has given his parabatai enough feelings for him to know Magnus is alive, he can feel the guilt in Jace’s soul, the feeling of a plan gone terribly wrong. If his parabatai had demon blood, the sword would be destroyed, but part of Alec’s soul would be dead. It doesn’t make the plan any better, had it gone the war Jace wanted it.

‘Promise me you’ll stay inside the Institute at all times. Or portal yourself to Catarina’s and stay there. Promise me, Magnus, or-’

‘I promise,’ he whispers, fingers brushing against Alec’s cheek. ‘I promise, Alexander, you have my word. I’ll secure the wards, assist whoever needs my help, be as helpful as I can be, and you go and be the fantastic brother I know you are.’

Alec nods, but he doesn’t go anywhere. He can’t take his eyes off Magnus, can’t shake away the feeling he might have lost him if it had not been for some luck coming his way. All things considered, Alec had lost neither the man he loved nor his parabatai, and despite all the lives lost in the Institute, that was the best outcome he could have hoped to himself. The selfish thought is his and his alone; he would feel ashamed even hinting at it in front of two of the most important people in his life.

Magnus takes his hand, a soft smile on his face, and it’s when his eyes move to the door behind Alec and he gently tugs on his hand to make him follow him that the Shadowhunter finally moves, though his hues remain on Magnus as they climb the steps together. Therefore, Alec sees the change in his expression when they step into the building and Magnus is faced with the bodies still scattered around the floor, despite some having already been either taken by their respective leaders or moved to the infirmary. Alec tears his eyes from Magnus, and feels embarrassed, queasy and nervous despite himself. He’s seeing the room with different eyes, ones that are not frantic searching for a certain warlock amongst the fallen, and it feels it almost as though the bodies on the ground are his fault; Jace’s feelings inside him only help him feel even more so.

He squeezes Magnus’ hand, and forces himself to look at him again. ‘You shouldn’t see this. Go home,’ he pleads, but it’s a completely different request than before. Now he’s not desperate to leave; instead, he wishes only Magnus does, if that prevents him from seeing both Downworlders and Shadowhunters lying down on the floor.

Magnus’ expression morphs into understanding, caring, love and pride, and he looks up at Alec. ‘My dear Alexander, I’m old enough to have lived through worse, but your concern is truly endearing.’

It doesn’t feel right, but all Alec wants to do is kiss him, so instead he settles for a middle-term and kisses Magnus’ cheek. ‘Stay safe. You promised me,’ he whispers, receiving a small smile from his boyfriend.

‘Your siblings need you, Jace more than anyone else. And a promise is a promise.’

Magnus lets some seconds go by before releasing Alec’s hand and going away, leaving Alec to go look for Jace, but not before he runs into Izzy in the Institute’s main room and hugs his baby sister like he doesn’t remember doing in months.

His closest family is alive, Magnus is alive, and Alec lets out a breath of fresh air as he makes his way to Jace.


End file.
